The fear of change

Why is it so difficult to change something?

We often accept being unhappy instead of change. Why not really change something in our lives? Time and again, we can see that people only change something when they really can't do otherwise. Stand with your back against the wall, so to speak. But before that, there was often a long ordeal.

Why is this the case and how can I do something about it?

The fear of change:

As an outsider, you often cannot understand why someone hasn't already changed something long ago, such as quitting the job or ending the relationship. Even those affected can sometimes say that they themselves know that they need to change something and really want to change something, but they can't...

We humans are often very afraid to change something in our lives. Because what I already know gives me a feeling of familiarity and security. Even when it makes me dissatisfied or even unhappy. What I know seems better than anything unknown because I know it, because I know how to act, how I can protect myself... And no one can really guarantee that it will get better; it could get even worse!

We humans tend to imagine the worst. Yes, we are very good at anticipating risks and dangers and preparing for the worst. Decision-making psychology shows in impressive experiments that we are more sensitive to losses than to gains. For example, it hurts us more to lose a bad job than to miss out on the chance to get a good job.

The belief that things are getting better is very often lagging behind. We would therefore rather stick with the well-known ailments than with unknown risks.

The strategy of staying with the tried and tested seems deeply rooted in us. Sticking to what you know offers more survival benefits than taking risks. In addition, fear of change can also be understood as protection against disappointment or injury.

Very often, we also hear statements such as “It could be even worse.” And if you offer specific suggestions for changes, a “Yes, BUT...” returns by return mail. There are immediately reasons and arguments that build up against any proposed change.

This shows how fixated we are on resistance and inconvenience. The potential benefits and opportunities are not even being taken advantage of. And when we see the benefits, we are afraid that things might be different after all. In the worst case scenario, we wouldn't even have our hope for a better life anymore. We definitely want to protect ourselves from such disappointment.

Tip 1: Defy the worst scenario!

As already mentioned, we tend to imagine that things could get even worse. Often, however, we do not really complete this thought process.

Ask yourself the question: What would be the WORST thing that could happen? Please do this in a very explicit and detailed way.

If you bring these worst-case scenario thoughts to an end, you can discover that the worst that could happen as a result of the change involves less risk and danger than you initially feared.

Tip 2: Change requires strength!

Tackling and changing something in life requires strength and an optimistic attitude. But that is exactly what we often lack when we are dissatisfied or unhappy. Stressful situations require a lot of energy; it is as if all force has been sucked out. So where do you get the strength or an optimistic attitude?

Tip about this: Pay attention to your thoughts when you think of a potential change. Are these thoughts more positive or negative? Stop negative, pessimistic thoughts, and Consciously imagine over and over again what the desired future situation should be.

Describe this situation as precisely as possible on a sheet of paper or draw a picture of it. Write down what you want (not what you don't want). It can look like this, for example: I want a partner who takes me seriously, listens to me... Take the time to go into detail.

Also make sure that you are consciously doing something for yourself again. Ask yourself: What gives me strength and energy so that I can make a difference?

The first step towards change is therefore to consciously take care of yourself.

Tip 3: Change requires courage!

Those affected describe that they themselves see no other alternative and feel that they have no other choice.

If you want to change something, however, you need faith in and trust in what is possible better. And it requires faith in yourself. With self-confidence and courage, fear of the unknown can be overcome.

Be aware of the other hurdles you've already overcome in your life. How did you do that? What helped you do that?

Tip 4: A change of perspective helps!

Finally, a small self-experiment: Please complete the following steps immediately after reading (But really 😉):

1. Get up and walk in circles for a minute.
2. Keep running for another minute.
3. Keep running, please.
4. More, please.
5. Keep running in circles...

Does that sound silly to you?

What impulse did you have?

Did you want to stop? Get out of the eternal, crazy rut?

This exercise is ideal for symbolically and physically making it clear to those affected how they always run in circles in reality.

Sometimes it's easier to just run in circles; it also takes less courage. Because in order to fight against the fear of change, we need not only energy but also courage.

Try to look at your situation from an outside perspective. What would you see from outside? What impulse does this change of perspective give you in particular?

Tip 5: small steps — small resistances

Sometimes we are also blocked because the necessary changes have too big and drastic effects on us, which in turn scares us or overwhelms us as a whole.

It is often not necessary to make the big changes all at once. Even small stones can get a rock rolling. Choose a first small change step. Deliberately set as specific a sub-goal as possible that you want to tackle next. What will you implement next?

So we have it in our own hands! Let us gather all our strength and courage and overcome fear, because this is actually the biggest obstacle!

(Source: Sunday Newsletter from www.zeitzuleben.de)