The fear of change

Why is it so difficult to change something?

We often accept unhappiness rather than change. Why don't we really change something in our lives? It has been shown time and again that people only change something when they really see no other choice, when they have their backs to the wall, so to speak. There is often a long ordeal before that.

Why is this the case and how can you change it?

The fear of change

From outside, it is often difficult to understand why someone hasn't changed something long ago, for example quitting their job or ending a relationship. Those affected themselves also often say that they know that they should and want to change something, but cannot.

Change often scares us humans. The familiar gives us security and familiarity, even when it makes us unhappy. The familiar appears safer than the unknown because we know how to move around and protect ourselves within it.

No one can guarantee that a change will be better, it could even be worse. People tend to imagine the worst and weigh risks heavily. Decision psychology shows that losses influence us more than gains. Losing a bad job is often more painful than missing out on an opportunity for a better job. That way, you'd rather stick with your acquaintance, even if it's stressful. Sticking to what is familiar seems to be deeply rooted in us and can also be understood as protection against disappointment. You often hear: “It could get even worse.” And suggestions for change are quickly followed by “Yes, but...”. In this way, potential opportunities are often blocked from the outset.

Tip 1: Disprove the worst scenario

We often imagine that change could make things worse, but rarely think this idea through to the end. Ask yourself: What is the WORST thing that could happen? If you consciously and concretely think through this scenario, you often realize that the actual risks are lower than you feared.

Tip 2: Change requires energy

Change requires strength and a positive attitude. But this is exactly what we often lack when we are dissatisfied, as stressful situations drain energy. Pay attention to your thoughts when you think of change. Are they positive or negative? Consciously interrupt negative thoughts and focus on your desired future. Present them as specifically as possible, even in writing. State clearly what you want, not what you don't want. For example: “I want a partner who listens to me and takes me seriously.” Also ask yourself: What gives me strength and energy? The first step is taking good care of yourself.

Tip 3: Change requires courage

Many people feel stuck and believe they have no alternative. However, change requires trust in life, faith in positive development, and self-confidence. With courage, fear of the unknown can be overcome. Remind yourself of the challenges you've already overcome. How did you do that? What has helped you?

Tip 4: A change of perspective helps

A small experiment:

Get up and walk in circles for a minute.

Keep running.

And on.

And even more...

Does that sound strange to you?

Did you want to stop?

This exercise symbolically shows what it feels like to stay in old patterns. It often seems easier to keep running in circles, because it requires less courage. To allow change, we need not only energy, but also courage. Try to look at your situation from the outside. What would you see? What new perspective is emerging?

Tip 5: Small steps instead of big hurdles

We are often blocked by the idea that change is too big and overwhelming. Small steps are often enough to get things moving. Choose a first, concrete and feasible step and define a small goal.

What is your next step?

In the end, it is up to us: If we gather our strength and become brave, we can allow change, and fear of it is often the biggest obstacle.

‍(Source: Sunday Newsletter from www.zeitzuleben.de)